so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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