He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
