apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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