(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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