I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
