Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
