It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
