Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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