Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
