Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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