I want to make a zoo with you.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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