Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
