I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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