you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You've changed since you got that strap on
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
