I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
