OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
