i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
