and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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