Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
