she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize