I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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