Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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