lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
