So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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