Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
