how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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