READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
