i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
