Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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