I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
