i don't like sucking hair
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
