Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
