There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
