6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
