Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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