cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
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