I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize