Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
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I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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