every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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