All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
