i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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