The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
