I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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