come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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