my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
