Cold hands, warm shart.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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