Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
