like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
