....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
