I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize