I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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