yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
