i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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