Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(770): View more from Georgia

I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.

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(678): View more from Georgia

He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?

(770): View more from Georgia

I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."

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(416): View more from Ontario

Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.

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(907): View more from Alaska

I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.

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(270): View more from Kentucky

Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.

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(778): View more from British Columbia

we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"

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(520): View more from Arizona

I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.

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(240): View more from Maryland

I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.

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(816): View more from Missouri

She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors

(660): View more from Missouri

You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?

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