Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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