I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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