Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
