i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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