Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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