I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
